Bottles and Bradycardia

Avery gets 3 bottles a day, 8am, 2pm, and 8pm. I give her 2 of those bottles everyday. I could do all 3 but I've decided that it doesn't make me a bad mom if I can't give her every bottle while she's in the hospital. At some point she'll be getting 8 a day and I would have to be there every 3 hours around the clock and that's just not really doable. If she were in a bassinet right next to me that would be different but obviously she's not. When she's home I'll gladly get up at 2 am to feed her, but for now her NICU mommies have that job.

As you see from the pic above Avery doesn't take her bottle like a full term baby. I have to hold her on her side, one so hopefully she doesn't choke two so that she doesn't get all warm and cozy up against me and fall asleep. She gets 35 ml's every feed and she uses a slow flow nipple. While feeding her is an absolute joy and I'm so grateful she's come this far it is also very stressful. I have to pace her because she hasn't mastered suck, swallow, breathe due to her prematurity. I have to pay attention to her breathing, her heart rate and oxygen saturation, how many sucks she gets, when she swallows, and her color.
She's turned blue many times and every time it freaks me out. Those are the times she has bradycardia. That's when her heart rate drops below 100. It's caused from her choking, not breathing or from a vagal response. Either way it is terrifying. It literally feels and looks like she's dying in my arms. I hate it! I know what that's like first hand with Adison. I can't help but think about her when this happens. Avery usually comes out of it on her own but sometimes the nurses have to increase her oxygen.
This makes me so nervous to feed her. Sometimes she takes the whole bottle with no problems other times it's a nightmare. She tries so hard and she's such a trooper. I am so proud of her for giving it all she has. I know one day soon she'll be taking 8 bottles a day like any other baby, but for right now it's so stressful. No one wants to see their baby limp and lifeless for any amount of time, 30 seconds is an eternity!