Dreaded Due Date

Well Avery's due date was September 28, 2010. I didn't post about it that day because I was pretty down. I've dreaded that day since they were born and even more since Adison passed away. I just knew it would be a hard day to get through and not think about the what ifs and whys. If they were born then all would be well and this blog would have just been started and it would be about Adison Grace and Avery Faith.
When I was pregnant I so looked forward to that day, the day I would get to meet and hold my beautiful baby girls. Little did I know that wouldn't be the case. When they were born I got to give them a quick kiss then they were whisked off to the NICU. I didn't get to hold Adison until she was dying and I didn't get to hold Avery until she was 17 days old.
I know most babies come a little earlier or later than their due date but not 15 weeks early. I know it wasn't my fault but I still feel like I failed my babies and I think that's something I will never get over. I'm still mad at my body, my idiot Dr., and if I'll be real honest, God. I just don't understand and will never understand why all this had to happen the way it did. I know there's a reason for everything and God has a plan but this plan really sucks @$$! I can't think of a reason for the life of me why Adison had to go and why they had to be born so early.
I do however thank God every single day 100 times a day for my sweet Avery and that she's doing so well. I know He's right there with her and me. He's what has gotten me through all of this. I know He's a big God and He can handle me being a little mad at Him.
As mad as I am, I am even more thankful and feel blessed beyond measure for the time I had with Adison and for Avery to still be here.
I'm glad their due date has passed and I got through it, hopefully next year it will be easier. Maybe I'll be so busy with Avery I won't have time to think about what day it is! For now every milestone and triumph of Avery's will be bittersweet. I wish Adison were here doing all the same things. Mostly though I am and will be thankful and so happy for all of Avery's accomplishments. She is truly a miracle and I won't take that for granted a single day.

Chunky Monkey

Well our baby girl now weighs 6 pounds even!! She is such a little chunk. She's worked so hard for every ounce, fat roll, and extra chin. Her Momma has worked just as hard to pump her all that good Mommy milk that made her gain all that weight. :)
Not only did she hit the 6# mark, she is also 100 days old today. She's such a big girl. I am so proud of her progress. I pray she continues to grow and thrive.

A Letter to Princess

Dear Avery,

You're Mommy and Daddy are so very ready for you to come home. You are doing so well and we're so proud of you. I love that you're doing good with your bottles and you get one every other feed. That makes us so very happy. The next step is a bottle every feed, then home.
We're ready to put in you in your bed even if it is just to take pictures. I'm ready to rock you to sleep in your glider and sing to you. We're ready to get up in the middle of the night to feed you, change poopy diapers, and snuggle up with you. I know you're trying so hard and that's all we ask of you. You are our entire world and this is all on your time. Just letting you know whenever you're ready, we are too. We love you more than words could ever say, and we're the proudest parents in the world.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Happy Momma

Avery has been doing wonderful with her bottles the past 2 days. No bradycardia, and no dropping her oxygen saturation. This makes me very happy! I'm hoping the Dr.'s will add another bottle/day and that she'll do well. I'm so very proud of her, she's come such a long way.
She weighs 5lbs 10oz, and she's such a chunky monkey. I love every single fat roll and extra chin, haha! She looks like a chubby newborn baby now and she's losing her preemie look. It seems like she's changing everyday.
She's starting to stay awake more often and I love it. We have moments where we just stare at each other. I tell her how beautiful she is and how much Mommy and Daddy love her. Sometimes I just cry because I'm so happy to have her and that she's doing so well. Just the thought of her completely melts my heart :)

3 Months

Avery is 3 months old toady! Sometimes it seems like it's flown by, other times I feel like she's been in the NICU for a year! Some weeks go by in the blink of an eye, others drag on and on. She weighs 5 lbs 8 oz! That's huge to me. When I think of how far she's come and how hard she's fought, I feel like everyday needs to be a huge celebration. She is an amazing little girl whose touched so many lives. Mine and Josh's life has been forever changed by this baby girl in the greatest way imaginable.
I hate that I can't say today Adison and Avery are 3 months old. I am however grateful I still have Avery. I try and remind myself I could have lost both of them. So instead of being sad on these special days and milestones I'll be glad for the time I had with Adison and look forward to all the wonderful moments with Avery. Avery deserves to be celebrated and to have a happy Mommy and Daddy on her special days (and everyday) so that's just what she'll get :)


Here's the most recent pics of her. I was at home the past 2 days so I haven't been able to take any pics but her fabulous nurse Laura sent me these pics...

Avery's first time to watch tv. She watched a dvd called Bees.

Avery got sweepy watching her dvd
My beautiful chubby cheeked baby :) the tape on her nose is to hold up her nasal cannula.

513

What do those numbers mean you ask? Well it's Avery's weight of course!!! She has hit the 5 # mark today. She weighs 5lbs 1.3oz and she's 16 inches long. She is now the size of a small newborn, but she's come such a long way from 1lb 9oz and 12.5 inches long. We're so proud of our big girl. She has almost outgrown a lot of her preemie clothes which makes me very happy :)

Ms. Avery in Panda Paradise

Avery hanging on Daddy's every word

Look at that double chin :)

Guess How Much I Love You...

I LOVE YOU RIGHT UP TO THE MOON AND BACK.

A Few Pics...

Avery's first time in a bouncy seat :) I came in yesterday and this is where she was, so cute!
These two are from her nurse Laura, she took them last night. She sent them to me so I thought I would share.
Is she not the cutest baby ever? Gah, I love her to pieces!

Daddy's Darlin'

As much as I wanted Avery to be a Mommy's girl, I'm pretty sure she's more crazy about her Daddy. Before she was even born I had my suspicions. When I was in the hospital they would have to monitor the girls heartbeats an hour everyday. Adison was always perfectly still because really she had to be. Her head was in the birth canal and she didn't have any fluid, so all she could do was kick her little feet. Avery however was free to roam. Her sac wasn't ruptured so she was our little gymnast. I loved feeling and watching them move but when the nurses would try to get Avery on the monitor she wasn't having it. Adison was no problem. They could find Avery get her on and as soon as they would leave the room she would be off.
One day Josh walked over and said "Ms. Avery just what are you doing in there". Avery would be perfectly still when she heard his voice. We thought it was just a fluke thing so I told him not to say anything. When he stopped talking Avery would squirm around, when he started talking she was perfectly still every single time. It was so sweet. I knew then she thought he was pretty great.
Now that she's here it's the same way. When we went to see Avery the first day Josh got here this week she was a little fussy. I walked over and was talking to her and she stopped fussing a little. When Josh walked over and talked to her this is what he got...

Look at that sweet smile :) Even though she loves her Mommy so very much she really thinks her Daddy is something. That's just fine by me because I think he's pretty great too. I love watching the 2 loves of my life together. It makes my heart so happy.

WubbaNub

Avery "wubs" her caterpillar wubbanub... that is all.

Bottles and Bradycardia

Avery gets 3 bottles a day, 8am, 2pm, and 8pm. I give her 2 of those bottles everyday. I could do all 3 but I've decided that it doesn't make me a bad mom if I can't give her every bottle while she's in the hospital. At some point she'll be getting 8 a day and I would have to be there every 3 hours around the clock and that's just not really doable. If she were in a bassinet right next to me that would be different but obviously she's not. When she's home I'll gladly get up at 2 am to feed her, but for now her NICU mommies have that job.

As you see from the pic above Avery doesn't take her bottle like a full term baby. I have to hold her on her side, one so hopefully she doesn't choke two so that she doesn't get all warm and cozy up against me and fall asleep. She gets 35 ml's every feed and she uses a slow flow nipple. While feeding her is an absolute joy and I'm so grateful she's come this far it is also very stressful. I have to pace her because she hasn't mastered suck, swallow, breathe due to her prematurity. I have to pay attention to her breathing, her heart rate and oxygen saturation, how many sucks she gets, when she swallows, and her color.
She's turned blue many times and every time it freaks me out. Those are the times she has bradycardia. That's when her heart rate drops below 100. It's caused from her choking, not breathing or from a vagal response. Either way it is terrifying. It literally feels and looks like she's dying in my arms. I hate it! I know what that's like first hand with Adison. I can't help but think about her when this happens. Avery usually comes out of it on her own but sometimes the nurses have to increase her oxygen.
This makes me so nervous to feed her. Sometimes she takes the whole bottle with no problems other times it's a nightmare. She tries so hard and she's such a trooper. I am so proud of her for giving it all she has. I know one day soon she'll be taking 8 bottles a day like any other baby, but for right now it's so stressful. No one wants to see their baby limp and lifeless for any amount of time, 30 seconds is an eternity!

You Are the Best Thing That's Ever Been Mine

Look how beautiful this baby girl is. I love her more than she'll ever know. I look at her and sometimes I just can't believe she's mine. I thank God he chose me to be her Mommy.




Avery got a bath tonight, and she loves her baths. I didn't get a pic of her bath because I was busy doing it. I did get a pic of her on the big girl scale! They used to weigh her right in her isolette but now that she's in a crib they use a "real" scale. I'm proud to report our big girl weighs 4lbs 6.50z. Yes I really put the .5! Every 1/2 oz. counts :)

Everyone Poops....

So I debated on whether or not to post this as some might be offended, but I think it's hilarious and I was blown away! If you're easily grossed out don't read anymore of this post or look at the pics. The story goes as follows...
Avery was only getting breast milk prior to this but the Dr.'s wanted her to gain weight faster so they started adding formula to my milk. It made her gain weight however it also made it harder for her to poop. I told her nurse Becca that I was so worried about her not pooping, Becca said if she didn't go at 2 o'clock she would give her a suppository. That made me feel better, I left to get some lunch and was coming back that afternoon. Upon my return these pics are what Becca had waiting for me because she thought I wouldn't believe just how massive this was...
(Be sure to look at the wall in the first pic.)Avery did this on her own without the suppository! No joke! I laughed until I cried. Becca said when she went to change her diaper there was only a little pee. She lifted up her butt with her legs and this is what took place, projectile poop! No one was harmed thankfully, and Avery felt so much better afterward!

All About Avery

Can you guess what this blog is about? Why Ms. Avery of course! I've been wanting to do a blog for a while but my life has just now settled down enough to get it going. Everyone is always asking about her and wanting updates so I figured why not start a blog, after all everyday of this baby girls life is something to celebrate. She's our precious miracle and I thank God so much for her.
For the most part the blog will consist of things and progress from this point on. I might throw in stories and pics from birth on? I dunno? Just whatever suits my fancy :) What I do know is Avery is a blessing and I am proud to be her Mommy.

Every good and perfect gift is from above James 1:17

Look Whose A Big Girl

Avery is now able to be in a crib and I couldn't be more excited. That's one more milestone down. She now weighs 4lbs 4oz she's getting bigger and stronger everyday. Today was her first day to get 3 bottles and she took all 3 like a champ. I am one proud Momma. I adore this baby girl :)